A Brief Winter Thaw-Out Of Nations
by Ember Nickel
Summary: Or, "Being Notes From The Refreezing, Following A Brief Winter Thaw-Out Of Nations, ...(un)scrupulously chronicled by Grantaire, being chief diplomat plenipotentiary." Content note: author wasn't really trying very hard to find out how "La Marseillaise" actually scans.


_Kinkmeme prompt: "RIDICULOUS CRACKFIC in which a silly argument at the barricade results in each of the Amis roping off a little section for themselves and declaring their succession as sovereign nations. They busy themselves designing flags/composing national anthems/brokering sham treaties/declaring war on each other while Enjolras can only shake his head and Grantaire lols."_

_Credit due to the Civilization games and , for getting me to care sarcastically about patriotism and stuff._

~2:00 pm: a spurt of nationalistic fervor has gripped our otherwise-stalwart barricade. Breakdown in negotiations between Combeferre and Courfeyrac appear to be sticking point. Combeferre gripped by terrors of what if everyone is caught up in some sense of national identity they didn't sign on for, leading to unwanted pride or collective guilt, etc. Presumably the only way to remedy this is in creation of wholly independent "countries." Border security a concern.  
2:15 pm: Consolidation of Prouvairtopia going surprisingly well. Head of state sprawling on remnants of an otherwise-useful table. Claiming entire body area as sovereign. Admittedly vulnerable to attacks from below, though seems unconcerned. Now attempting to get on to the thorny business of state, to wit, composing national anthem. Details to follow.  
2:30 pm: Representatives of Courfeyraquia respond poorly to international suggestions a flag be obtained. Wholly neutral observer suggested using the otherwise useless clothing of our esteemed Stateless Person to construct symbol of government. This has been shot down.  
2:32 pm: Emendation: not literally.  
2:45 pm: Tensions flare on the border of Pays de Bahorel and L'Joly Libre. Former claims that population density ought to be comparable across borders; latter suggests a denser Pays de Bahorel will be beneficial for civic health. Yet, seems unwilling to enter into a state of war.  
2:58 pm: A nonaggression pact has been signed by L'Joly Libre and Territoire de l'Aigle. Despite protestations of the former, this will not yet be escalated into a mutual-protection treaty, as the latter is concerned by the advances of Pays de Bahorel.  
3:00 pm: A secession crisis! The Principality of Gavroche has declared its independence from Courfeyraquia. More established nations, however, decline to acknowledge it as sovereign, to bellicose replies.  
3:15 pm: As of yet no progress on relaxing alcohol tariffs. More's the pity.  
3:20 pm: Combeterre is attempting to sell its armed forces elsewhere, recognizing it has a comparative advantage in other fields.  
3:30 pm: Despairing Stateless Person preaching benefits of cosmopolitan unity, warning that outside enemies may yet overwhelm otherwise disparate microstates. Message does not appear to be heeded.  
3:40 pm: Pays de Bahorel, rebuffed by Joly-l'Aigle alliance, now seems to be threatening the partition of Feuilliville. Neutrals remain on high alert.  
3:50 pm: Updates from the capital of Prouvairtopia:  
_Oh son of Prouvairtopia, rise_  
_The day of glory now is here!_  
_Today, the tiny banner now flies_  
_I move forward without fear!_  
_I move forward without fear!_  
_Do you understand the singing_  
_Of the foes from all around?_  
_Their anthems thunder, proudly ringing,_  
_But it cannot match your sound!_

_So dream, citizen,_  
_Of all the world to come_  
_March. Or lie back._  
_One blood we share,_  
_When under attack._

I mean it's not the most stirring thing I've ever heard, but it'll do.  
4:00 pm: Prouvairtopian export officials now suggesting to compose other anthems as trade item. Well, you take your comparative advantage where you can get it.  
4:10 pm: Feuilliville ministry suggests making more economically viable use of rough, barricadinous terrain. With the right amount of manual labor it could be converted into useful goods.  
4:15 pm: Statesless Person remains concerned about its use as a deterrent in threat of foreign invasion.  
4:16 pm: Feulliville ministry invites him to resubmit his opinion once he's gone ahead and gotten himself a nationality like the rest of the civilized world.  
4:20 pm: First map of the world drafted for inclusion in unbiased history archives. Some approximation is required to portray the realities of a three-dimensional barricade. Principality of Gavroche remains a disputed territory, shown with dashed borders.  
4:30 pm: Treaty of Friendship between L'Joly Libre and Territoire de l'Aigle extends to including an open borders policy, on account of the latter "really just needing to stretch my legs."  
4:35 pm: Conniving Combeterre schemer attempts to declare a safe path to the bathroom a demilitarized zone.  
4:36 pm: Neutral historian suggests that people could maybe just hold it, or just do what they have to, we're all men here.  
4:37 pm: Stateless Person expresses disapproval of this idea.  
4:45 pm: Stateless Person recruited to conduct a popular referendum on the subject of demilitarization. Heads down, hands up.  
4:50 pm: By a private vote of five and a half votes in favor, two against, referendum carries.  
For the benefit of history, although this was not made public to the international community, Courfeyraquia and Pays de Bahorel opposed. Principality of Gavroche does not receive a full vote.  
5:00 pm: Feuilliville seizes pathway to the wine cabinet, offering international access if an appropriate toll is paid.  
5:05 pm: Despite being refused trade with Prouvairtopia (have the major powers come to a de facto agreement of nonrecognition?) the Disputed Principality has established its own national anthem. It is perhaps the most moving strains I have ever heard from a young patriot's lips. It also contains many words not normally found in stately correspondence.  
5:10 pm: A natural disaster befalls the Territoire de l'Aigle, as a beam falls out of position and drastically reduces its land area.  
5:15 pm: Rumors begin to spread that this may have begun with an agent provocateur from Pays de Bahorel.  
5:20 pm: Yet, despite questioning from a L'Joly Libre investigator, no such evidence can be found, and we must simply regard this as an act of Providence in the ever-shifting world of geopolitics.


End file.
